I've been doing a lot of reflecting on our trip since we've been home from Disney. I had such a great time and it was a once in a lifetime trip-truly, because the kids will never be 5 years old again, both sets of grandparents won't be able to come with us again (most likely), there will never be another first time, C will probably never be as in love with Belle as he is now, A will never wave at the characters like she did this trip...you get the idea.
I've also been thinking about how with all of those things I know, I think back to me on that trip. I think about what I thought and how I felt. And then I think I don't really remember. I remember planning and knowing what we were doing next. I remember looking at the kids and loving the look on their faces. I remember trying to get the right picture. I remember feeling HOT. But I'm not really sure I remember how I felt about everything.
I know that's how it is supposed to be. You know, plan something like that so the kids and everyone else has fun...but then I sometimes forget about me. I have to live in the moment. I have to be selfish and think about me sometimes. I have to know that I'm outside to play with my kids, not to pull weeds-those can wait. I have to know I'm on a walk to the park and that it's ok if the kids wander a bit into somebody's yard. I have to know that it's ok if A & C aren't behaving perfectly all the time...no kids act perfect all the time. I have to be present.
I have to know that when I'm cleaning and my kids want me to read a book, I can stop and read it; not say, "Just a few more minutes." I have to know that when I'm tired and the kids want me to play a game, I can go to bed a little earlier and rest later. I have to know that when J asks me to sit outside with him, it's ok to stop whatever I might be doing (like being on the computer) and join him. I have to be present.
It's a tricky balance, isn't it? I'm not sure how to change it. See I've always been like this. I'm usually organized. I'm a people pleaser. I want everyone to be happy. I want to do my best. I do procrastinate with some things. It's just how I am. I have to figure out a way to let go.
It means relaxing a bit more. It means stopping to see the joy on my kids' faces while they're swinging. It means kissing and hugging my family whenever I can. It means understanding the fact that life continues to go, and usually so do I, so I have to make a conscious effort to look around and take it in. It seems cliche, I know, but it's true. I really need to "stop and smell the flowers." I'll take time for me and the little life moments. I will be present.