Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Living in the Moment

I've been doing a lot of reflecting on our trip since we've been home from Disney. I had such a great time and it was a once in a lifetime trip-truly, because the kids will never be 5 years old again, both sets of grandparents won't be able to come with us again (most likely), there will never be another first time, C will probably never be as in love with Belle as he is now, A will never wave at the characters like she did this trip...you get the idea.

I've also been thinking about how with all of those things I know, I think back to me on that trip. I think about what I thought and how I felt. And then I think I don't really remember. I remember planning and knowing what we were doing next. I remember looking at the kids and loving the look on their faces. I remember trying to get the right picture. I remember feeling HOT. But I'm not really sure I remember how I felt about everything.

I know that's how it is supposed to be. You know, plan something like that so the kids and everyone else has fun...but then I sometimes forget about me. I have to live in the moment. I have to be selfish and think about me sometimes. I have to know that I'm outside to play with my kids, not to pull weeds-those can wait. I have to know I'm on a walk to the park and that it's ok if the kids wander a bit into somebody's yard. I have to know that it's ok if A & C aren't behaving perfectly all the time...no kids act perfect all the time. I have to be present.

I have to know that when I'm cleaning and my kids want me to read a book, I can stop and read it; not say, "Just a few more minutes." I have to know that when I'm tired and the kids want me to play a game, I can go to bed a little earlier and rest later. I have to know that when J asks me to sit outside with him, it's ok to stop whatever I might be doing (like being on the computer) and join him. I have to be present.

It's a tricky balance, isn't it? I'm not sure how to change it. See I've always been like this. I'm usually organized. I'm a people pleaser. I want everyone to be happy. I want to do my best. I do procrastinate with some things. It's just how I am. I have to figure out a way to let go.

It means relaxing a bit more. It means stopping to see the joy on my kids' faces while they're swinging. It means kissing and hugging my family whenever I can. It means understanding the fact that life continues to go, and usually so do I, so I have to make a conscious effort to look around and take it in. It seems cliche, I know, but it's true. I really need to "stop and smell the flowers." I'll take time for me and the little life moments.  I will be present.

1 comment:

  1. When we're juggling so many things, it is challenging to be in the moment, I agree. If you stop to read the book, then when will the other thing be done, etc. It sounds as if you are thinking through life's challenges, wanting some things to be different. I wish you the best in your search. Thanks for sharing part of your life!