We can't wait!

**A past post I never got around to posting from January 23rd**

We really can't. I'll tell you why.

Pretty soon we get to go here.

 We're getting there by being on this.

And we'll also be trying out this.

Seriously. Seriously?! We are so lucky and blessed to be able to do this.

Here's how it all went down…
Early in November my dad and I went to a chemo appointment with Mom. It was a visit with Dr. Gall, which is why we tried to be there. We went through the whole appointment-how are you feeling? any new symptoms? any changes in how your body is handling side effects? All of the usual stuff was asked. Then at the end of the appointment he asked if we had any questions. I finally asked it.

"How long do we do this for?"

The long and the short of it: forever. FOREVER. Wait, what? Did I hear you right? Yup. Sure did. See then the doctor went on with all of the "Sometimes I give a chemo vacation. It could be 3 weeks, 3 months, 6 months; you never know. But really, this is just managing the disease. There are always miracles!" That's the word I held onto: miracles. It's always the word I think of. Miracles do happen. I know this. And we all-friends and family-pray for a miracle every day. In the meantime…this chemo/doctor thing is happening in the 2 weeks on/1 week off cycle until Mom's "Chemo Vacation."

After that news we went back to the chemo room, waiting for her drip to start and Mom says, "Well, where are we going?" Meaning, let's plan a trip. I had wondered if this was going to be a possibility. J and I had talked about it shortly before this November day. And here it was-we were starting to plan a trip.

If you know my parents, you know they love cruising. They love everything about being on a ship whether it's by themselves or with their cruisin' friends (love them dearly!), they love hanging by the pool, in the bars, finding their way through foreign lands; it's the best! So as we started talking about where we would go, it was only natural that going on a cruise came up. Then the decision on where to go and what cruise line to go on. After crunching numbers, looking at itineraries, and thinking about what could give us "the best" memories, we landed on a Disney Cruise. Woot! Woot! CAN. NOT. WAIT!

J and I have only been on one cruise before-when I was 8 weeks pregnant and couldn't fully enjoy everything the ship had to offer (I was on a self-proclaimed diet of cheese and ice cream!). We have talked about going on a Disney Cruise before, but the conversation is usually something like, "It's on our my bucket list. I would love to do it sometime, but probably not now."Never in a million years did I think we would be going this soon.

The kids, my parents, and J & I are just all so thrilled to be going. And with each other. We are blessed to be able to make these memories together. We get to see the kids reactions together. We get to go to a Pirate Party together. That's the best part about this trip is that we will be together. It can't come soon enough, with all of the COLD weather we've been having. We are definitely counting down, and…

WE CAN'T WAIT!

This morning

The conversation I had with C as I was upstairs getting ready, and he was downstairs, yelling up...

C-Mommy, I wish I could freeze the world.

Me-Really? What do you mean?

C-I mean I wish I could stop time. You know, I could be a kid forever. Mamma's cancer would be frozen so she wouldn't be sick. 

Me-Yes, those would all be really good things to happen.

C-And I could put you in a snowglobe and have you forever. And I would hug Daddy. That's what I wish.

Sometimes they say the most interesting things. And then it makes me think about why he's thinking those things. What's really going on in that head of his? Whatever it is, I love it. I love that he shares what he wishes and hopes for, even if they are things that may or may not happen. 

I love that kid!

The Unexpected Christmas

I love this take on Christmas.

We watched it with the kids last night at WOW Worship, which is the family-geared worship service that happens before their small group at church. It was a Christmas theme, clearly, as we are only days away from our favorite time of the year.

What I love about this, is the way the angels suggest things to God about how the person should act or who the person should be. Instead he says it should be a regular person born to regular parents. That's it. Plain and simple.

If only Christmas was that simple "these days." I mean it could be, but we don't let it. Watching this reminds me of the real reason we give, we prepare, we share our hearts…it's all because of Him.

And rightly so!

Know how much I love you?

To Pluto and then to the next galaxy, and then to Venus, and then to Earth, and then around the sun, and then back to Pluto, and then to Heaven, and then to the Moon and then back again. That's how much I love you, Mommy.

~C, age 7 tonight, around 6:00 or so

I love that kid. So much.

I'm a lucky girl

Yes, I am. Know why? Because of this guy:

Yes, that guy. Tonight he surprised me with my present for my 35th birthday. Here I was thinking it was a day at the spa (in my dreams!) or an overnight with him to somewhere (I had hinted at Chicago again). But no. He surpassed all of that with something even bigger. Something I NEVER would have thought about.

He said, "Close your eyes. No peeking, Nans style! Ok, open."
I open to see a suitcase.
Ok...we're going somewhere! Sweet!
"Any guesses?"
"Not really. It could be anywhere!"
"Ok, close them again. Now open."
I open and see When Harry Met Sally and Serendipity sitting on top of the suitcase. "No way. New York?!"
"Yes, New York!"
He surprised me with a 4 day trip to New York City.

I'm going here.

And here.

Yes, hopefully here too.

All because of him.

I am one lucky girl!

Sometimes you need a pick-me-up

Some days are like that...

That's what Alexander's mom tells him in the book. I suppose that's true in real life, too. Some days are just like that. It doesn't matter what we do to change them. They just are.

Today wasn't what I would call "horrible." It just was...eh. You know those days-you wake up, sit in a meeting, have some behavior issues (are we really talking about turd, fart, and poop in the classroom?), and then it's just eh. I had my moment of breakdown. That was bound to happen sooner or later. The rest of the day was ok.

Maybe it's because I don't see my family as much with school having started. Maybe it's because, you know, of being a girl. Maybe it's because I'm thinking about my mom and what we will find out this week. I'm not sure. Thank goodness for friends who listen to you. And for husbands that get you ice cream. And for kids who would rather you sleep with them than sleep with their stuffed animal (never has happened in our house, but the idea is nice).

Here's to NOT moving to Australia. Here's to a better day for tomorrow. Knowing that this "eh" kind of day happens to the best of us. Even when we're not prepared.

Definition

Defining something can be hard to do.
Defining something can also be easy to do.

Here...let's give it a try:

Ice cream is: sweet, delicious, my favorite treat
School is: fun, exciting, new
Love is: wonderful, indescribable, fulfilling

Now here's another definition for you-one that's been on my mind A LOT lately...

My mom is: loving, positive, giving, brave, forgiving, positive, a fighter, brave, a wife, positive, a sister,  brave, a mother-in-law, positive, a friend, brave...are you sensing the pattern here? Side note...the last time I "defined" my mom was when we had a 5 year survivor celebration. Interesting how words and events can come together. 

This is what we are dealing with right now, at this point in September of this year:

Do you see what it says on that container? Yup. You read it right. Chemotherapy waste-must be incinerated. Burned. No where else to go but up in smoke. We're back here again...doing this thing...after 8 years of not doing it. And in those 8 years I really thought we were done. I really didn't think we would be back here, sitting in this chair-

taking naps while the "icky" medicine attacks the sick cells to make mom better. Neither did she. Neither did my dad. Neither did anyone for that matter. No one wants to think it will happen again.

But back to the Definition of My Mom...brave and positive. Did you notice how many times that came up. It's because I think about it all. The. Time. Just how brave she is. How she marches into this chemo room, hoping that her corner chair is open (so she can see everything that's going on and all of her angels who sit with her can have enough room), ready to take on the medicine that will (in our minds) put her into remission for the time being-or at least shrink all of those ugly cancer spots to 1 or 2 instead of the many that spot her bones in her body. Brave. To know that her hair would fall out. To know that she probably couldn't taste. To know and understand that this time it's different. Brave. Because there isn't a way to really get rid of it. No surgery. No radiation. Just the medicine to fight those cancer cells tooth and nail. Oh...and prayer.

Did I mention that we are people of faith? If you know us, you would know that. We pray every night at our house. And Mamma is always a part of our prayers. Sometimes it's general like, "We pray that Mamma feels better." But sometimes it's specific like, "Please help the medicine fight off the cancer. Please help the doctors and guide them to know what's best." We pray. She prays. Dad prays. Friends and family pray. That brings me to that second word that came up again and again: Positive. Positive in all aspects.

When we first found out about this road we were (once again) going down, it didn't feel different than the last time. It felt the same: we will fight this. We will beat this. Nothing will stop us from getting rid of this again. Yes, there were tears. But there was NEVER, I mean NEVER the thought that this would be any different. You're reading between the lines-we never talked and still haven't talked about what is to come. Some may say that's denial. True, but when the doctor doesn't even tell you what's to come, why worry? As I was able to tell friends, some in person, others over the phone, some wondered, "What's the prognosis?" See, when you are surrounded by positivity and prayer, that doesn't matter. What matters is the here and now. What will they do for her? What's the treatment going to be like? Until the time comes where it is absolutely necessary to think about prognosis, we will spend our time and energy fighting and living our lives, thank you very much! 

Fighting something like cancer seems to be more uplifting when you have kids around. See, A & C weren't around the last time we fought this. In fact, at the tail end of Mom's chemo, we found out we were expecting. God works in those mysterious ways sometimes. You know, with the timing and everything. But now we have these 2 seven year olds who only know Mom as Mamma. They hug her and love her just the same as before. Before school started I brought them with to see what chemo was all about. We talked about the medicine. We talked about the port (A thought Mamma had her chest cut open to get her chemo, so it was a good visual to really see it in person). We had snacks (A's favorite part). And that was it! Seeing this through the eyes of children can change a person's perspective. That's because you can't dwell on it. The kids are moving on with activities and school. They know Mom goes in for treatments, but when they see her, they still talk to her the same as before she was sick. We don't talk about it in a "hush, hush" sort of way. We're really matter of fact about it. I think it helps us all.

So definitions...defining some things can be oh-so-hard, while others can be oh-so-easy. I know what it's like to try to define my mom because I see it and hear it every day. I only hope to be like her as I get older: to have the courage to fight anything that is presented to me. Because that's what she's doing. And I love her even more for it.