I am a mom

I am a mom because of these two.

Because of these two.

Because of these two.

I am a mom because of her.

Because of her.

Because of her.

I am a mom because of him.

Because of him.

Because of him.

I am a mom.

And I love every second of it.

Good or bad.

Happy or sad.

It's who I am today.

And forever.

 ...some photo credit to M Photography...

She's only 6.

I have to remind myself of that sometimes. She is only 6. Sometimes she may seem like she's 6 going on 10 or even 16, but really, she's 6 going on 7.

Tonight we tried a sleepover. One of those milestones, really. You know, the, "You're such a big girl now!" kind of things. It was her first one with a friend. It was just the 2 of them. She went to the friend's house early evening and was ready to go. See?

Yes, pillow in hand, dolls ready to play, blankie, Friendly and Pinky all ready to snuggle. Everything was set. And then the phone rang. Just before 10:00. Sobbing on the other end. "Mommy...please come and pick me up! I just want to come home. I want you and Daddy to pick me up and then I can be with you and sleep!" Reasoning with a sobbing 6 year old on the other end of the phone, on a Friday no less, is impossible. Both J and I tried talking to her with no avail. Lori tried coaxing her back into bed for another 15 minutes and then another phone call-we were on our way to pick her up.

I kept going through the situation in my head. Did I do that when I was little? How old was I the first time I slept at a friend's house? What does Lydia think? What does Lori think? I didn't prep her enough. We never talked about what to do if you're scared. It didn't even cross my mind that she would react this way. Think about her personality: outgoing, loud, talkative, social, happy...all things that would direct a parent into thinking she would be fine at a friend's house. A good friend's house, no less. Lydia is someone who we practically spent the summer with at the pool. It seemed like a logical first sleepover.

But maybe she wasn't ready.

Maybe my 6 year old wasn't ready. My spunky, outgoing, fearless honey wasn't ready. J started taking a different angle...think about her and nightmares, movies, scary music, scary characters in books...and it makes a little bit of sense. I suppose there are those things that at night, when you are cozy in your own bed, they don't seem quite as bad. But if you're at someone else's house where you don't have a fan or a sound machine (oops), you hear all of the different noises in the house. You hear your friend breathing. You're not so sure about where you are anymore. Maybe that was it.

It's a tough position to be in as a parent. You want to be gentle so as to not scar your child for life. You want them to want to have sleepovers with friends. But on the other hand you also want them to understand how it feels on the other side; to be able to say, "I'm sorry it didn't work this time."To think about the other person and their family too.

But then again, she's only 6.

*sigh*

This certainly isn't the first parenting moment when I go crazy with scenarios. And it certainly won't be the last. All I know is I have a sleeping 6 year old girl who hasn't moved in her bed since I tucked her in, kissed and hugged her, said I love you, shut off the light and closed the door. I hope Lydia is doing the same right now.

And we'll definitely "try it again another time, (Mommy)." Love you sweet nugget.

Father, Daddy, the "it" guy around here

Today is Father's Day. Hooray for dads (or fathers, papas, or whatever you call your dad) everywhere! Yesterday C was telling J, "Daddy, since tomorrow is called Father's Day, I'm going to call you 'Father' for the whole day." Too cute...didn't happen. Our little boy couldn't veer from the norm-Daddy it was!

If you know J, which some of you do, you know the following things about him:
1. He always puts others first. Always.
2. He is the loving type.
3. He wants what's best for his kids (and me too).
4. He makes all of us laugh, a lot.
5. He never expects anything or anyone to be perfect.
6. He...well, I suppose I'll stop here for lack of continuing to go on writing long into the night.

Needless to say, he's a pretty sweet dad. He's a pretty sweet husband, too, but that post comes another time. As for the dad part, he's got it down. It all started (you didn't know you were in for story time, did you?!) when I was pregnant. That's when he really took over the grocery shopping and cooking for the 2 of us. Small things, really, but I knew this was a sign of what was to come when the kids were born. He's never been one to shy away from what kids bring to life...always ready to play, always ready to wrestle, always up for a game, always ready to teach, always, always, always. Do you get it?

He's the kind of dad who, upon the kids getting off the bus this year, loved every minute of walking the kids home from the bus stop. He told me numerous times how that was his favorite time of day. He and A would usually walk hand in hand while C tried to balance on the curb, the two of them talking about their day with him.

He's the kind of dad who cannot turn down a chance to go on a bike ride with the kids. He takes them around the block and neighborhood, hoping that the training will allow us to ride around the lake soon enough.

He's the kind of dad who loves reading and snuggling with the kids. He reads with voices they love which, consequently, leads to stories repeating themselves over and over in our house as the weeks go by. How I Became a Pirate is a favorite of A & C and whenever I try to read it, I struggle to make the pirate voice just right. Arrgh!

He's the kind of dad who just cannot get enough of his kids. He's never the one "babysitting" or "watching" the kids. He's never the one to come home from work and "just need a half hour to unwind with the TV or the computer." He's the one organizing a soccer game or baseball game in the backyard or playing hide and seek at the park.

He's amazing.

See, there's this old saying that you usually marry someone who is just like your dad. When I think of my dad, I remember him playing with me, teaching me, reading to me, making up stories before bed, having ice cream with me...just spending time with me. Funny...that's what I see happening around these parts. Thanks, dad, for giving me a glimpse into my future. Didn't know that's what it was, but I'm  glad it was!

How does that make me feel? Blessed. Like He knew what He was doing when He put J in my life. I thank God every day for putting J here to be a daddy to our kids. Because without him here there would be no pirate, no wrestling, no "yah" Kung-Fu style, no walking home with the kids from the bus. Blessed. It's what I am. It's what we are to have a daddy like that. Happy Daddy's Day, J!

Sometimes I wish I could go back

Sometimes. Only sometimes. I wish I could go back to the squishy face, cooshy legs, bald baby stage. You know, this one-

Yes, some days I wish I could go back to that. I want to hear their giggles.

I want to hear their babble.

 

I want to have them snuggle into my neck.

I really wish I could go back to that sometimes.

 (Photos by M Photography)

But then I'm glad I have them the way they are now.

Because I'm not sure I could ever go back to the sleepless nights, wandering my way through the night, wondering when I would ever get my energy back.

I love these two in their 5-year-old selves.

But sometimes...

First Sleepover

We did it. I'm not sure that it's a good or a bad thing, but we did it. Yes, our kids are only 5 and are in kindergarten, but it was for a birthday party. Not a good reason? Hmmm...well, there were about 7 or 8 other boys that were going to be there too. Still not a good enough reason. Hmmm...ok, um, we've known the family for almost 2 years. Yup. Not sure that's a good enough reason either.

C had his first sleepover on Friday. Even though J and I had said the kids wouldn't have their first sleepover until they were at least in spring of first grade. I guess we didn't hold out. It was a tough decision. Trust us. And he will not have another sleepover for another 3 or 4 years. Seriously. I'm not even joking when I say that. The weekend was enough to scare us straight.

The sleepover was an interesting one. You know, there were the normal things...wrestling, dancing, more wrestling, games, pizza, cake, wrestling again, Spiderman 2...wait, WHAT? What was the name of the movie? Spiderman 2? You mean the one that's rated PG-13? For 5 & 6 year olds? Sooo not prepared for that one. Oh, and did I mention that the movie started at 10:30? Yes, STARTED at 10:30. And what time did they go to bed? C said he looked at the clock at 12:30 the last time. Needless to say, he was a bit cranky, ornery, salty...can you come up with any more synonyms for not happy? It was an interesting timeline, if you ask me, for a group of kindergarteners. I guess I need to ask what is planned the next time he goes to a sleepover...when he's 9!

As a parent you hope you're making the right decisions. As a parent, you're sure you're doing the right things for your child along the way. As a parent, you also realize you can't always make the right decisions all of the time. As hard as we may try. As hard as I may try, I'm not always going to be able to be with the kids all of the time. I know this sleepover was a baby step. The moms there looked at me like I was a little crazy for being worried about leaving C. He wasn't worried about me leaving. I was. I also know it won't be the last time I'll be worried. Even when he's old and grown, I'll worry. For now, he'll play the boy things he plays, he'll watch Curious George and he'll snuggle me because it's one of his favorite things to do. And I'll hold on to all of those 5 year old things with all I've got.

I think I'll move to Austrailia

You may remember the book Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. In the story, everything goes wrong: gum stuck in his hair, squished in the middle in the back seat, nightlight burned out...you get the idea. After about every third page he says, "I think I'll move to Australia." That's a bit how I felt today.

It was one of those days with the kids. The kind where you feel like you repeat yourself a bajillion times and like you feel as if you're speaking alien, which you're sure your kids speak and you wonder why they don't understand what you're saying. The kind where the common sense of your children is out the window; as if it doesn't exist. The kind where you try time outs, you try raising your voice, you try ignoring them, you try being kind and calm with them, you try taking things away from them, you try, you try, you try. And nothing works. That's the kind of day J and I had with A & C. Frustrating.

And then, I'm in the middle of making a pasta salad for the teacher luncheon tomorrow at their school and I put the cheese in before the noodles had cooled off completely and now the cheese is melting and sticking together. 

Seriously. 

I think I'll move to Australia. 

But, even there (as the book tells us), as J tells me, people have hard days too. At least I have him...and the two trouble makers. I know tomorrow will be better.