Forever means a lot of things.
It's been forever since I've written. You'll understand why in a few posts.
It seems like I've been a mom forever-in a good way!
I know I'll be with J FOREVER.
Forever. Forever is how long my mom will be gone.
Which is why I haven't written.
It was too hard to write about the hard times.
But now I think it's time to write again.
Because forever is good too.
It means she's in heaven. FOREVER. Which means I'll get to see her again.
Monday, March 6, 2017
Monday, December 14, 2015
Change
Change is good. That's what people say. But those people don't know about change with cancer.
When there's change with cancer, sometimes it's good, sometimes it's not. Today it's not.
We found out today that Mom's cancer has metastasized and is now in her colon. I still can't wrap my brain around it. I feel like I'm on the outside looking in. I didn't cry. I should have. I feel like it's not me in my body. I know it is though because it feels like there's someone stepping on my chest. That's anxiety. And stress. Funny thing is about those two things-when I feel like I'm not stressed, that's usually when I am stressed! It plays tricks.
It's hard being the only one. I know it's hard for my dad. It's the hardest for my mom. She's the fighter. She has the pain. She has the stress. She has the fatigue. Not me.
That's what I have to remember through all of this. If I play the woe is me card, I just have to think about my mom. She NEVER plays that card. Ever. She's strong. I want to be like her. Strong.
But change is hard. Especially when it's about f#!*ing cancer.
When there's change with cancer, sometimes it's good, sometimes it's not. Today it's not.
We found out today that Mom's cancer has metastasized and is now in her colon. I still can't wrap my brain around it. I feel like I'm on the outside looking in. I didn't cry. I should have. I feel like it's not me in my body. I know it is though because it feels like there's someone stepping on my chest. That's anxiety. And stress. Funny thing is about those two things-when I feel like I'm not stressed, that's usually when I am stressed! It plays tricks.
It's hard being the only one. I know it's hard for my dad. It's the hardest for my mom. She's the fighter. She has the pain. She has the stress. She has the fatigue. Not me.
That's what I have to remember through all of this. If I play the woe is me card, I just have to think about my mom. She NEVER plays that card. Ever. She's strong. I want to be like her. Strong.
But change is hard. Especially when it's about f#!*ing cancer.
Monday, October 12, 2015
Expect the Unexpected
It's a phrase we've all heard before...expect the unexpected. Sometimes it means something good will happen or come to you. Other times, not so much.
Like today.
When I got to work.
And found out that one of our students had died this weekend.
That's certainly unexpected. And not the good unexpected. The unimaginable unexpected. That's what that is.
I know the family a bit. I did gymnastics with the mom way back in the day. I was stuck at her house the night of the Halloween Blizzard. But after gymnastics we lost touch. One day our family was grabbing some pizza and I ran into the mom at the restaurant. She was there with her sweet family and her kids who weren't old enough for school. Then I found out they would be at the school I teach at. Lucky me! Fingers crossed I would be able to have one of her children in my class. Not to be, but I still see her lots through the year.
And then today. I had just seen her daughter playing soccer on Saturday. I talked to the mom. I talked with the grandma. And then yesterday happened. And she isn't here anymore.
It was a boating accident. Carbon monoxide poisoning. We boat. We love the lake. That would never cross my mind. Drowning-maybe. A crowded lake and a boat crash-highly unlikely but possible. But this? Never.
It's the unexpected.
I feel so for the family. I have been praying all day long, it seems. I'm not sure what I can or should pray for, but peace and comfort, which all seems impossible right now.
The unexpected certainly puts things into perspective. Unfortunately. It makes you hug your kids tighter. It makes you want to be around them longer. It makes the early bedtimes and the raising of voices seem like they don't matter. Unfortunately. But all of those extra hugs and deep breaths that come in being a parent are things I will do today.
Expect the unexpected.
Like today.
When I got to work.
And found out that one of our students had died this weekend.
That's certainly unexpected. And not the good unexpected. The unimaginable unexpected. That's what that is.
I know the family a bit. I did gymnastics with the mom way back in the day. I was stuck at her house the night of the Halloween Blizzard. But after gymnastics we lost touch. One day our family was grabbing some pizza and I ran into the mom at the restaurant. She was there with her sweet family and her kids who weren't old enough for school. Then I found out they would be at the school I teach at. Lucky me! Fingers crossed I would be able to have one of her children in my class. Not to be, but I still see her lots through the year.
And then today. I had just seen her daughter playing soccer on Saturday. I talked to the mom. I talked with the grandma. And then yesterday happened. And she isn't here anymore.
It was a boating accident. Carbon monoxide poisoning. We boat. We love the lake. That would never cross my mind. Drowning-maybe. A crowded lake and a boat crash-highly unlikely but possible. But this? Never.
It's the unexpected.
I feel so for the family. I have been praying all day long, it seems. I'm not sure what I can or should pray for, but peace and comfort, which all seems impossible right now.
The unexpected certainly puts things into perspective. Unfortunately. It makes you hug your kids tighter. It makes you want to be around them longer. It makes the early bedtimes and the raising of voices seem like they don't matter. Unfortunately. But all of those extra hugs and deep breaths that come in being a parent are things I will do today.
Expect the unexpected.
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
Waiting for the Fast Pass time
Here I am, waiting. I really wish I was sleeping. It was that kind of day. The kind that makes you think, "Surely it's Friday!" But no. It's only Wednesday.
I'm waiting on Disney. Yes, I'm the crazy one, among thousands of crazy ones, waiting to book my Fast Passes online tonight. Disney's website says midnight, but that's eastern time. So really, I only have 26 more minutes to go. I thought, why not put it to good use!
We are so lucky to be heading to Disney again. I love Disney. My kids do too. I think secretly J does as well, though he won't really admit it. He does love Epcot and Hollywood Studios. I think it's because those aren't quite as thematic as the Magic Kingdom. We are headed there for 1 day. Yes, only one. We weren't even supposed to be going, but thanks to a silent auction, we are! The trip really centers around heading to my uncle's house at the beach. THAT will be relaxing. This will be exhausting, but so worth it.
A, C & I sat around the computer tonight making a list of the top 3 rides at each park we are going to:
Hollywood Studios:
Toy Story Mania
Rockin' Roller Coaster
Tower of Terror
Epcot:
Soarin'
Test Track
…I'm secretly excited about the countries. They'll be able to appreciate them a bit more now that they're 4 years older from the last time we went. And J has already said that's where we will find a good spot to sit down for lunch.
Magic Kingdom:
Haunted Mansion
Space Mountain
Snow White mine ride
Pirates of the Caribbean
I think we have a pretty good list going! The best part is, they would be completely satisfied if we went on these rides and nothing else. I love thinking about their reactions when they go on these rides. For the most part, these will all be new to them since they're taller. They've been talking about the Rockin' Roller Coaster and the Tower of Terror the most.
We are so so lucky to have the means to do these things with our kids. I feel so grateful to have things like this trip to look forward to! Even if it means visiting Disney for only one day!
I'm waiting on Disney. Yes, I'm the crazy one, among thousands of crazy ones, waiting to book my Fast Passes online tonight. Disney's website says midnight, but that's eastern time. So really, I only have 26 more minutes to go. I thought, why not put it to good use!
We are so lucky to be heading to Disney again. I love Disney. My kids do too. I think secretly J does as well, though he won't really admit it. He does love Epcot and Hollywood Studios. I think it's because those aren't quite as thematic as the Magic Kingdom. We are headed there for 1 day. Yes, only one. We weren't even supposed to be going, but thanks to a silent auction, we are! The trip really centers around heading to my uncle's house at the beach. THAT will be relaxing. This will be exhausting, but so worth it.
A, C & I sat around the computer tonight making a list of the top 3 rides at each park we are going to:
Hollywood Studios:
Toy Story Mania
Rockin' Roller Coaster
Tower of Terror
Epcot:
Soarin'
Test Track
…I'm secretly excited about the countries. They'll be able to appreciate them a bit more now that they're 4 years older from the last time we went. And J has already said that's where we will find a good spot to sit down for lunch.
Magic Kingdom:
Haunted Mansion
Space Mountain
Snow White mine ride
Pirates of the Caribbean
I think we have a pretty good list going! The best part is, they would be completely satisfied if we went on these rides and nothing else. I love thinking about their reactions when they go on these rides. For the most part, these will all be new to them since they're taller. They've been talking about the Rockin' Roller Coaster and the Tower of Terror the most.
We are so so lucky to have the means to do these things with our kids. I feel so grateful to have things like this trip to look forward to! Even if it means visiting Disney for only one day!
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
A Taste of the Tropics-Land of the North Style
Today we had a taste of the tropics. Yesterday too. It was lovely. It was wonderful. It was (almost) as if we were there! Like on a cruise with our friends or in St. Maarten with other friends or…you get the idea.
This is a place our kids have been begging to go to since they knew what it was. Let's say they were…3. We pass it every time we go to my parents' house while driving on the freeway. And when they were that little, they went to my parents' house once a week so Mom could watch them while we were at work. Every single time we would drive by it would be, "When can we go there? Why haven't we gone there before?" Up until a year or two ago my excuse was always along the lines of, "You have to be taller." or "You have to be older." Well, no more. No more excuses. And thanks to Mom and Dad, we were able to go there as a family. Best. Christmas. Present. Ever. Said A & C.
If you ask what their favorite was, they'd probably say the family raft ride. That was a trip. I found out I don't like going backwards. As J says…where I don't have control. Going forward or sideways I was fine because I could see what was coming!
All of the slides were really fast! I even went on a body slide! That was a big step for me. The kids went on every single slide there was to go on. And many many times over. Going double on a slide was always a bonus because we got going really fast. I always screamed. And they always said, "Don't scream, Mommy!" I couldn't help it.
Other highlights included the lazy river which is pictured above, the wave pool, and a splash area with smaller slides and other water features. A especially loved the wave pool, while C loved pretty much everything, especially the are where he could play basketball. A also went on a rope thing similar to this (which was in Oregon):
It certainly takes balance and coordination to do that!
Of course I can't go on and on without mentioning our room. The kids thought it was great with bunk beds and their own night lights. They slept well, considering we were go-go-go until 10:00 when the place closed! We had a blast. Thank you, Mom & Dad, for giving us this gift where we were able to be together and make lots of memories! Now when we go by, they say, "We were there! Remember this and remember this!" They loved every minute of it.
Monday, November 17, 2014
Disney Cruise!
Finally…I finished it.
I take forever because I want things to be just so. But I finally finished the book!
I'm posting this instead of writing about everything on the blog…that way I only write about it once!
Enjoy if you like!
I take forever because I want things to be just so. But I finally finished the book!
I'm posting this instead of writing about everything on the blog…that way I only write about it once!
Enjoy if you like!
Click here to view this photo book larger
Shutterfly photo books offer a variety of layouts and cover options to choose from.
Thursday, October 23, 2014
You are beautiful
I wrote this a few weeks back…just posting now…love you!
**********************************************************************
Dear Mom,
You are beautiful. Inside and out. I loved going to your house last week to watch you show off all of your new clothes. Wow! You are beautiful; not just because of the clothes, but because of everything about you.
You have confidence. Even though you may not always be confident every second of every day, I see it. I see it in the way you talk about decisions you've made. I see it in the way to go to every doctor appointment. I see it in the way you talk to me, to J, to the kids, to dad…
You have a glow. I know you're tired. I know you don't feel the best. But you still glow. You glow when others wouldn't. You glow when others would crawl back into bed (which might be what you want to do). But you glow and light up when we walk through the door, no matter where we are.
You bring happiness. To those who know you. You smile. You assume the best. You DON'T take things for granted the way others might. You bring the happy into so many people's lives.
You are everything I can only hope to be as I get older. You are my best friend. You are a listener. You are an encourager. I love you for everything I wrote about and more. I know I'm not the only one who thinks this either. Dad thinks this. J thinks this. The kids think this. We all know this to be true.
I just thought I'd share.
I love you.
**********************************************************************
Dear Mom,
You are beautiful. Inside and out. I loved going to your house last week to watch you show off all of your new clothes. Wow! You are beautiful; not just because of the clothes, but because of everything about you.
You have confidence. Even though you may not always be confident every second of every day, I see it. I see it in the way you talk about decisions you've made. I see it in the way to go to every doctor appointment. I see it in the way you talk to me, to J, to the kids, to dad…
You have a glow. I know you're tired. I know you don't feel the best. But you still glow. You glow when others wouldn't. You glow when others would crawl back into bed (which might be what you want to do). But you glow and light up when we walk through the door, no matter where we are.
You bring happiness. To those who know you. You smile. You assume the best. You DON'T take things for granted the way others might. You bring the happy into so many people's lives.
You are everything I can only hope to be as I get older. You are my best friend. You are a listener. You are an encourager. I love you for everything I wrote about and more. I know I'm not the only one who thinks this either. Dad thinks this. J thinks this. The kids think this. We all know this to be true.
I just thought I'd share.
I love you.
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